mm madness

[Robert Ashter]

Chris had been sitting at the bar for a moment now without even touching at his drink. He didn’t know why he came here, he was not even thirsty to begin with. He didn’t feel like it. But, quite frankly, he didn’t feel like anything at all. And he knew that, at home, he would have to fake everything going alright. Here, there may be some people whispering about the sight of him, speculating as to what put him in this state - he reckon he would read something about things not going well with his boyfriend in the Witch Weekly’s next issue - but at least no one came to see him to make him pretend like all was well.

He sighed. He shouldn’t feel like that. What kind of friend was he? The happier Annika seemed to be, the more guilt he felt and it made him gloomy. At the same time, didn’t he have a good reason to feel bad? It just showed how he was the reason behind everything that went wrong in his friend’s life! And because things were going well for him, he didn’t see it. He only did when things went too far and he had to pick her up off the floor. He ruined her life but now that she put distance between them she was better.

And there was Alex. He could not blame himself for his state. He suggested they all ran away to America or some other place until the war was over. Alex was the one who refused and chose to stay. And now, the memories of all those dead children haunted him. He wasn’t made for that kind of thing and he paid the price. Chris too. He really tried to be there, to be his pillar as he slowly got p from it. One year and he still had the occasional nightmare. Things were getting better, sure, but it took its toll on Chris already. He was tired. If you add to that the pressure he put on himself to perform with his quidditch team, he was truly exhausted.

Chris dug in his pocket. He pulled out a small bottle. He shouldn’t be having this in his possession, he was well aware of this. He should toss it out. That was what he kept telling himself as he looked at it.

“That’s one grim look on your face.”

Chris startled. This caused him to close his hand firmly on the bottle. Anyone else, it would only be to keep some privacy as to what kind of pills he may be taking but Andrew... He knew. Case in point, he nodded towards his fist. “What do you have in there?” Again, anyone else, Chris would have said it was none of their business. It was not Andrew’s either, they were no longer dating. But he was his friend, and Chris knew how tenacious he was. Had he not been before? With another sigh, Chris opened his hand to show the bottle of pills he was holding. Did he really not know what it was? Chris dared to look at Andrew who didn't look surprised. He was not frowning as much as he expected either. He just looked... Sad? Sorry? Disappointed? Maybe all this together. It made Chris look at his beer in shame.

“Are you sure you should be having this?” Andrew asked. “If I’m in need of medication, I should take it.” Chris retorted, still looking at his drink. “You look less like someone who wonders if he can stay in control and less like you’re wondering how many you should down at the same time.”

Chris looked up at Andrew, eyes narrowed and his jaws clenched for a brief second, insulted by what he meant. Andrew was not intimidated however. He merely shrugged while standing next to him, waiting for his answer to that.

[Robert Ashter]